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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
HERE COMES TROUBLE
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
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HERE COMES TROUBLE
by Angelia, Feb 01, 2000 12:00AM
My 14 year old son has had trouble with everyone of his teachers since early elementary school. He has no respect for the teachers and acts out by disturbing the class, talking, making noises, slouching in his chair, staring at the ceiling, refusing to do school work. Detentions, in-school suspensions and parent conferences do not seem to be working to correct his behavioral problem.
At home he is a normal child although he does not respect his parents. When we attempt to discipline him because of his actions at school, he refuses to listen. He laughed at his father and said, "I know you won't take anything away from me or spank me". We had no other alternative other than attempt to spank him. Although I do not believe in spankings, this one was in order due to his talking back and disobeying. His father could not get him to bend over. They began wrestling because my son refused a spanking. His father gave up. My son walked out of the house and left.
His teachers say that he hangs around the wrong kids at school. At home, he has no contact with these other children. We are afraid that as he becomes older he will be more out of control than he already is.
Help!
At home he is a normal child although he does not respect his parents. When we attempt to discipline him because of his actions at school, he refuses to listen. He laughed at his father and said, "I know you won't take anything away from me or spank me". We had no other alternative other than attempt to spank him. Although I do not believe in spankings, this one was in order due to his talking back and disobeying. His father could not get him to bend over. They began wrestling because my son refused a spanking. His father gave up. My son walked out of the house and left.
His teachers say that he hangs around the wrong kids at school. At home, he has no contact with these other children. We are afraid that as he becomes older he will be more out of control than he already is.
Help!
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Feb 02, 2000 12:00AM
, Feb 02, 2000 12:00AM
Dear Angelia,
You mention that at home your son is a normal child. He is not. The level of defiance, oppositionality and disruption that you describe is very worrisome, and you are absolutley correct to be concerned about his future. That you would resort to trying to spank a fourteen-year-old is evidence of your desperation.
It's important to seek dramatic intervention. Depending where you live, you can approach the local court for what is often called a Child In Need of Services (CHINS) petition. The court intervenes to support the authority of the parents and teachers.
Your son likely displays a type of Disruptive Behavior Disorder called Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and it is possible (in light of his chronic school-related problems) that he displays a learning disorder as well. These things, as well as the possibility of a mood disorder, need to be evaluated. You can probably achieve the types of assessment your son requires partly through the school system and partly through a referral to a mental health/behavioral health professional.
You mention that at home your son is a normal child. He is not. The level of defiance, oppositionality and disruption that you describe is very worrisome, and you are absolutley correct to be concerned about his future. That you would resort to trying to spank a fourteen-year-old is evidence of your desperation.
It's important to seek dramatic intervention. Depending where you live, you can approach the local court for what is often called a Child In Need of Services (CHINS) petition. The court intervenes to support the authority of the parents and teachers.
Your son likely displays a type of Disruptive Behavior Disorder called Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and it is possible (in light of his chronic school-related problems) that he displays a learning disorder as well. These things, as well as the possibility of a mood disorder, need to be evaluated. You can probably achieve the types of assessment your son requires partly through the school system and partly through a referral to a mental health/behavioral health professional.
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I'm SO glad that you still spank your 14 year old. Teenagers more than anybody need to know that you're still the boss!
KEEP SPANKING HIM!!!
That's the best advice I can give!