Brother stealing pain meds.

by Brighty to Rachael, Jan 09, 2001 12:00AM

You are not a screw up...if you went to rehab to get help and have stayed serious about your recovery, you have a right to be proud of yourself, even if nobody else notices. Addiction often runs in families and it looks like your brother is having a problem too. There is no reason he should be "moving" or handling your meds. This is serious. They belong under lock and key and only your mom and you should know the location. That should handle it. Since he has a history of drug abuse and took the liberty of handling your medication, then I think you need to approach him. Afterall, meds are hard to replace. They are expensive, and usually, on insurance policies, only refillable in certain time periods. If he will allow you to be in pain so he can feed his addiction he needs to be approached. Maybe you can speak to him in a way that he feels confronted but not condemned. I hope he gets help. Love, Brighty

by Racheal to Brighty, Jan 09, 2001 12:00AM

Thanks, my mother is always reminding me of every bad thing I ever did and how my brother is the "normal" one. It just gets kind of old. I'm dreading talking to my brother but I guess it's really the only way. He's been having a tough time lately. It's sounds horrible but I almost wish he was back in the hospital (he was suicidal for a while there) or atleast back on his medication. So it's hard enough to have a normal conversation with him much less the one I need to. Thanks, I think I already knew what I had to do but needed someone else to say it.

by Racheal to Brighty, Jan 09, 2001 12:00AM

Thanks, my mother is always reminding me of every bad thing I ever did and how my brother is the "normal" one. It just gets kind of old. I'm dreading talking to my brother but I guess it's really the only way. He's been having a tough time lately. It's sounds horrible but I almost wish he was back in the hospital (he was suicidal for a while there) or atleast back on his medication. So it's hard enough to have a normal conversation with him much less the one I need to. Thanks, I think I already knew what I had to do but needed someone else to say it.

by Gina, Jan 09, 2001 12:00AM

I went to the methadone program today. At first they start you off with 20 mgs. and state you may feel some discomfort from withdrawl since this is a small dose. Tomorrow you tell them how you felt--if you slept any withdrawl etc.. and from there they increase by 5mgs. It is liquid. I asked about the LAAM which Dan stated you only need three times a week, instead of making my hour ride daily. It is not an option for me at this time, they must see how I progress. Na or Aa meetings 3x a week are mandatory. I must also attend a meeting at the place I receive meds, plus individual counseling. I believe that I found a good place who cares more for it's patients than just their money. My assigned counselor told me that people should not be on for years and years. He states that they need to build a foundation through meetings and getting a sponser, so when the "juice" stops, you have the tools and knowledge to contine life clean and sober. He has been clean 12 years now and knows I am scared to death of withdrawls when it's time to wean. He also stated that I will feel better as the days progress since the medicine builds up in your system. Wish me luck--cause I have sworn to my loved ones if this doesn't work I will go inpatient and leaving my 5 yr old dtr would be pure torture for both of us!! She is so attached-I can't imagine leaving her for a night let alone ALL those days and nights. I need some advice--My dtr has the most playful, happy mommy while under the influence and a miserable one otherwise. My girlfriend,who is knowledgeable in this field feels I should explain to her what's really going on. I will tell her when I feel she's old enough but I feel it's too soon. She may blame herself--God forbid! What should I do? DAN--Did you know that with the mmt they start you out on a low dose and gradually increase? This is the ONLY thing that bothers me.

by tom to Gina and Dan, Jan 09, 2001 12:00AM

congrats, you finally got things going for yourself. Gina. I'd tell your child mom's sick and cranky, they usually accept that.

I'm interested in Dan's answer about the low dosing. Since I'm "only" on Darvon (albeit up to 8 at a time), I wonder if I'll get one of those docs who thinks Darvon isn't serious drugs and tries to put me on some rediculously low meth dose. Truth be known, my tolerance is so high I could take 20 Darvon, or 30 Vicodin, or 10 Oxy 20's, or anything else you'd care to mention at about that dosage level and keep right on truckin. I'm afraid if some doc sends me home with a 20 MG lollypop of methadone, after I finish laughing, I'll most likely just refill some more Darvon or Oxy or Vicodin and get myself well and start the whole circus again.

I really think I'm going to wait to get the buprenorphine from a private doctor, rather than go for the meth under the current restrictions. CSAM tells me it's still a few months away from being legal in California. Can't anyone just get it done and move on? What's the delay? I'm getting really frustrated waiting for the bup and no access to good methadone clinics in my area.

The schedule the methadone clinics makes you keep with the dosing, meetings, etc. also is beginning to sound unworkable to me. I'm a principal at a software developer working 12-15 hour days and I doubt if I could keep the meth clinic schedule anyway.

Common, California, where's the bup? Get off the pot for christ sake! i WANT HELP. i'M READY TO ACCEPT IT. SO DELIVER!!!

by From Aunt Lindy to Mariah, Jan 09, 2001 12:00AM

Gina,

Like your gut instinct is telling you I think it is too soon to tell your Angel anything.  I put myself in your shoes.  I mean I am in bed alot because of feeling bad.  I have fibromyalgia and chronic pain and fatigue.  I have some really rollercoaster days.  I think that you are underestimating how you are with your daughter. If you are talking about how you feel interacting with her when you are having withdrawals (if that is/was the case at all) that is one thing.  But you have to remember with what you are going through now.  Think of this as the first day of the rest of your life.

If anything Gina let your daughter in on days when you dont feel so great.  I tell my kids that "mommy is having one of her rough days".  When I go to the doctor (which is alot) I let the kids know that "Mommy is working on getting better".  The kids know not to expect much on those days.  My husband is great! He scoots them off to movies, skating, etc. Gina, I am hoping that you are going to start feeling better.

Gina, I think rather than trying to tell your babe anything why dont you wait until she starts ASKING.  Then address whatever her concerns are.  In the meantime when I am going through a rough time I make it a BIG point to tell my kids (8 and 5) things like "Do you know that I dont know what I would do without you" , "Do you know that you make me feel so happy inside".  "Can you believe that of all the little girls out there that we got you, that you are our very own!", "Do you know that if I could that I would sew you to my side and take you everywhere!" "Do you know that when mommy is not feeling good you still brighten my day".  The main thing I do is let my kids know that they are so loved.  If I am in bed I think of games or crafts that we can do in the bed.  I have them get a video and lay in bed with me.  That way we are still getting the closeness and I can rest at the same time. Unlike I have done to you Gina, I wouldnt max your angel out with too much information.  Wait for her to give you the signal.

I wanted to make sure Gina, that you know that all the above is only my opinion.  Some of it may sound mushy to those who do not have kids.  I just wanted to let you know what works for me and maybe it can help you.  I know where you are coming from. As moms we want to be the best we can be. We want to be a Superhero in our kids eyes. In the situation we are in there is alot of GUILT involved.  I think the bigger lesson is for them to know that they are very loved and that even though we are having bad days we need to let them know we are NOT dying.  We will live and be okay.  Let her be your special nurse or doctor.  Let her help you out with things. There I go again, anyway Gina if I can do anything let me know.  Give that little angel a hug.  I know that you are an awesome mom. I mean look at you!  You are getting yourself together! I dont think you are a miserable mom either.  You know that your babe does not think that either.  You know that life is one big WORK IN PROGRESS.  You have alot of Guts and Courage. Okay Gina! GO GETTEM!!!!!!!!!!

Keep us posted too! Please!

XO

Marcie!

by To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne, Jan 10, 2001 12:00AM

First I want to say to Marcie, I am sorry to hear about your fibromalgia - and I want to say to both you and Gina that I also have a 5 year old and understand how you both feel. Marcie, you do not sound mushy, you sound just like me! We are SO affectionate toward our son and this disease of addiction (withdrawals, too high, etc that go with it) are the things that our son is dealing with and not deserving it. Gina, I do not believe you should tell your daughter you are addicted yet - not for a while actually - that is just TOO much for her little head to handle (my opinion). I agree completely with Marcie, let her know how you are feeling but not why. You can comfort each other through this - and remember, you will be an even BETTER mom than you already are with sobriety!!! It's very important to address a child's questions and give them lots a reassurance (something I'm sure you already know) and I wish you the best of luck. I am going to detox on the buprenorpine myself in two days and I CAN'T WAIT!!!!! I am so happy inside just knowing that I am going to be able to get off this stuff that is ruining my life (ruining all of our lives)! I find that the more meetings I go to, the better I feel. Sometimes that means 2 - 3 a day. I know some people can't manage it but remember - it WILL pay off in the end. I always used to say, but I want to spend that time with my son - but guess what - that extra hour or two made the little time I had with my son EVEN better than if I had skipped the extra meetings. Just remember, we will die if we don't keep sober....when all else fails, remember that and think of how your child/family would feel if you were gone....scary thought, we love them so much. Thank you all for your continued support. And To Cindi, I want to say that I am so sorry to hear about your mother passing away, God Bless you. Maryanne

by From Aunt Lindy to Mariah, Jan 10, 2001 12:00AM

Hi Maryanne what a great post! Please let me/us know how your detox goes! How did you find your meetings? Is your family dr. giving you the Buprenoproperytghslg (I cant remember the spelling haha)? Can you say what part of the country you are in? I wish you the best! Best of luck to you! Please Please keep us posted!!!!!!!!!

XO

Marcie!

by Gina, Jan 10, 2001 12:00AM

Last night after I received my 20 mgs dose, I experienced withdrawl where I couldn't sleep or stop my legs from moving. What a wonderful memory to relive. Since I didn't sleep, I arrived at 7:00am for my dose which was increased by 5mgs. So today I got 25mgs. The counselors told me I may experience "some discomfort" since I was used to taking so many pain pills (40 a day) and the dose of methadone was very small. All people at this place start off at 20mgs and increase by 5mgs daily until you reach your stablity level. No withdrawl symptoms, cravings etc.. Usually when you reach around 40 or 50 mgs that should do it. However, some people are actually on 80mgs due to history of big time substance abuse--I know I don't have to explain that one, but you must speak with the dr. if 40 or 50mgs isn't working for you. For the first time , I am not looking for the buzz--just level of functioning "normally" (don't we hate that word?) After this am dose, by 8:00am which was an hour later I felt great. I stopped at the gym on my way home. (A Christmas gift from my parents that I had requested to get my endorphins motivated)!! I am hoping tonite I sleep well or at least part of the night. My husband and I had a talk last night which did us both some good. I want him to attend a family session so he can better understand. He told me last night "But it's not like you have to go to the meetings forever" He, of course, doesn't understand and the only way you do is to be an addict and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Hey, I noticed the option of chat room--How does that work? I couldn't seem to get in--I'm new to the computer world. THANK YOU ALL for your great advice concerning my 5 yr old dtr. I will wait until she's older. All she know's now is that sometimes mommy doesn't feel good enough to play all those great games we make up. I don't want anyone to think I am verbally or physically abusive when I'm coming down--I will leave the room before I get to aggravated or my husband will kind of take over..I thank God for you guys on this forum. Please tell me how to use Chat Room. Will definitely keep you posted...XOXO

by To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne, Jan 10, 2001 12:00AM

My family doctor is not giving me the buprenorphine - I'm going to an addiction specialist that I was referred to in NJ (where I live) by a friend who went to him. I found my meetings by calling my brother who lives in another state and has been in recovery for 15 years. He started here and told me where he had gone. He was suprised to here from me (thought I'd be the last one to have a problem) but was very glad I called him for help. I remember my first meeting - the speaker's name was Maryanne (talk about a coincidence) and her story was actually similar to mine. I also remember a very distinct feeling of belonging there. I had felt like someone let me in on a big secret, since before I had ever attended a mtg, I did not know how great AA is! I'll definately talk to you Friday at 9pm! God Bless, Maryanne

by From Aunt Lindy to Mariah, Jan 10, 2001 12:00AM

When you first get to this site look at the buttons at the top. Do you see where it says "On Line CHAT" click on that one. If you want to practice just whenever you want like right now or later just click on the button. You then have to agree to something you click on I agree and then you are put into the chat room! I hope everyone that said they were going to show does show! It should be fun!

XO

Marcie!

by To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne, Jan 11, 2001 12:00AM

Marcie, I live in NJ - just double checking - that is 9pm to chat, right? (Friday)

by From Aunt Lindy to Mariah

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