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Bipolar Disorder Community

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What is so wrong with us anyways?

by Penny78, Nov 29, 2008 09:31AM
We do amazing things as bipolars, we can juggle many thoughts at one time..I can do many things at one time..I have periods of my life where I create constantly, sometimes I feel like a God!! I don't need that much sleep..I think i am an efficient human. So why is it that everyone thinks this is such a bad thing..sure there is a downside..when the mania goes away and your faced with being a mere mortal...but really think about the times that you were ontop of everything...was it so bad?
Member Comments (16)

by LetaB, Nov 29, 2008 10:15AM
To: dear god
  I believe you are describing "grandiose" thoughts. Being a highly depressive BP I must say I do envy you because it sounds like you have more of "the good stuff". That's what I always imagined but the experts here say that along with the euphoria you get poor judgement (especially in regards to sex and drugs), and you set yourself up for a fall into deep depression. You make it sound as if you come down from mania to normalcy - is that even possible? As for lack of sleep - do you think your body can run on adrenaline forever? It's unhealthful.I don't know much but even though I've enjoyed my excursions to the bright side of BP in the past I will often be embarassed by my actions when I was in it.

by kukusik, Nov 29, 2008 10:40AM
To: penny
Hi there, i think as u are writing this you must be in a mania/hypomania phase now, that why you feel and sound very positive. i am currently there, been rapid cycling for last two weeks. like every 2 days from one side to the other. But now i feel like i am normal and calm and cool, and just waiting for one of the side to take over, just dont know which and when. i think i am in hypomania now. but in a "cool" phase of it. when out with friends for a rugby whole day event and thought not gonna survive a day coz had to control myself the whole day not to go over board. my friends dont know about my BP.
got anxiety attack half way, still dont know how i came out of it!
i love my hypomanic stage, yes and hate it at the same time,,i get very creative tooo and do million things a day and feel awsome! i paint , i write , i do handcrafts, and all the rest.,work, friends, home and everything is on top!
and there is nothing wrong with us its just that we are BP!!!!!!!!!

peace. love.

by Penny78, Nov 29, 2008 12:07PM
Perhaps we are the evolved human

by Penny78, Nov 29, 2008 12:12PM
Heres the thing..my walk as a god goes on for years...my cycles are for years not days, weeks, months...although in between i do have the mixed mania...You know on these forums..its always about the negative side of our "disease" I friggen hate that word...We should really focus on the good parts of being BP...and for the guy that is highly depressed...sometimes i like going on the anti depressants..because it is a catalyst to my walk as a god...lol

by ILADVOCATE, Nov 29, 2008 02:40PM
To: all
I just refer to it as a psychiatric disability not a "disease" or "illness". I don't like those terms either. Mania is not just "increased happinness". Its negative because it causes a person's judgement to be impaired as well as their concentration. I don't miss mania because on a manic day anything that happenned, even of no consequence made the appear as if it were "the best day of my life" and it also altered reality judgement thinking "this is the most important day of my life" but I have schizoaffective so psychosis was involved but it is in bipolar with psychotic features as well and in grandiosity even though its not psychotic per se a person has an elevated level of thinking.
  The problem with grandiosity is that when you think you are important you are not. And as for real world consequences it prevents real life goals. Even as for myself as an advocate I don't know how many times in the past I ranted "I am going to change the whole system!" and it got nowhere when I was grandiose. Then when I recovered, I quietly decided to work within the psychiatric system and other places or organizations as an advocate. I had the same goals all along. But in understanding how to present and being able to judge people's thinking, feelings and judgements (their "affect" clinically) I got much further. If someone presents themselves as an important or authoritarian they come off as a threat or nuisance even if their goals are positive. But if one appears to conceed and addresses authority figures in a firm and respectful way as I do when I represent consumers for benefits before judges, one gets a lot further.
   And it works the same way in real life too. I know for myself that out of all the people I know  that are antagonistic the ones that are the most egotistic (having nothing to with any psychiatric disability) are the easiest to stop because if you compliment them and appear to address them as important they fail to notice when you are then asking them to change their behavior. Even if one is not an advocate, in everyday life one must act like a diplomat and mania or grandiosity and the increased affect present during them prevents this. And if someone is aggressive if you don't emotionally react and address them factually and they are left ranting in mid air then they are the ones who end up realizing they are in the wrong. In not emotionally reacting to antagonistic or negativistic behavior directed at me, I've managed to get people to stop it but before I recovered when I was manic or grandiose I would be reacting back.
   Mania only appears good while you are experiencing it. What if you could achieve the same goals that appeared reachable only during a grandiose state during a euthymic (normal affect) state? It is possible with recovery. If I thought I was the only individual who could do this in thinking I was a "singularity" it would be "magical thinking". I'm just an ordinary person. Other people will achieve this level of recovery too. I'm certain of it.

by Penny78, Nov 30, 2008 09:11AM
To: everybody
Heres the thing...all of our disease "bipolar" is not the same..I don't want to kill myself, nor have I ever wanted to..it took them a long time to figure out that I was bipolar..do you know why?? Because my depression doesn't look like like depression. I do those walks of a God for long long periods of time...when my depression comes and I am sitting in front of a therapist..I have to tell them I am depressed..I am not hidden away in my room, laying in bed for days..I still get done the things I know I have to, I still go to work, my house is spotless regardless of my depression. I just feel that I am not as fast as I was, or as quick..and I need more sleep then 4 hours...sometimes I just feel like something is missing..I am not juicy with ideas, it takes me longer to draw something..i am not inspired.

And just to let you all know..I am not in a mania, I am in a depressed state now for over a year. But my depression just looks different. I have never had to be hospitalized, and I have other conditions ontop of bipolar, Agoraphobia, PTSS, Panic attacks, and night terrors. I have never been addicted to drugs either, but I do get obsessed with my art. We all are just different..

by Frankie46, Nov 30, 2008 11:46AM
To: Miss My Manic/Does it last for almost a year? Have Hep C.can anyone tell me about Pristiq?
I believe my manic lasted almost a year since I moved here..I could've paint the entire block without any sleep....
Schizophrenia/Manic/Depressive/Borderline Personality Disorder/   Hypo mania<<<(Not sure what that means)
..I finally came to terms .durings the early "90"s..but battled throughout most of my teen life.. which has open my eyes to so much confusion/doing things out of impulse wthout blinking an eye.... everything seems alil clearer to me  now.
One day I was in a  manic stage.I went to the mall w/ my daughter who was 7 @ the time.. do alil shopping....I was all over the place..when I  (stoled) a perfume I knew smell like ****..and a purple bra..cause it was PURPLE!!! didn't even fit..so embrassing...& so is my spelling..lol
my daughter saw me and was moritified!!..I told her "let's go get you something" we did ..I purchased it.when we arrived home..I sat on my bed ..in shock..'What did I just do"?    No overwhelming feeling of Guilt,or Tears..just.Confusion..
(Only when I crashed from the Manic stage to Severe Depression.is when the Guilt kicks in).  she enters the room..& tells me "why did you steal that stuff?" I had no clue what to tell her I was in such a spot..my mind was flying..I tried to explain what I did was wrong..I was very sorry,,,"she told me to bring it back" I told her I was afraid..thank God her Aunt walked in and had a talk w/ her....took her home for the weekend...
she always had this way of explaining things to her. ..Now I am the type of person who stands in long lines in CVS in the Hot Mall during Holidays Seasons on a Sat.. to purchase an Eyeliner!!!.
.Now ..I catch myself in certain situations..whenever I talk to loud..or become angry for no reason..cause I am alil more educated & aware & try to catch myself..or my friends will let me know I need to take a xanax..I have no urges to do illegal drugs @ all<,.weird that I have that under control.....My daughter's 18 .we lost her beautiful Aunt...Now I am Depressed in my guess what color?? Purple...robe..I hate purple..it's warm
  I'm losing my Mother she's 86..she's a Diabetic,Dementia,Alezemier,..Heart etc..when I recieved the call in April ..she was in the E.R..I was w/ her & stayed over 2 nights..we took turns...
if it wasn't for the Manic stage I've been in for Months.I would have never been able to deal w/ my Mom's condition and watching her suffer...she's gtting bad again...NOW I'm just sooo Depressed...I'm in a standstill.....they gave me Pristiq 50 mg..does anyone know about this drug?
I was on Cymbalta..I felt Wonderful!!!!!! gt a horrible welts & rashes thru my whole body....I had to stopped & still wanted to gt back on it.. I felt wonderful.. Zest for Life...felt like someone gave me the lotto & took it away..lol....Zeprexa.bad sight effect..w/ combination of others..zoloft worked wonders then.late 20's..now I'm 47...had a hysterectomy.4 years ago..
.Instant Menopause...it's hard 2 treat me w/ depakote,lithuim etc...family...cuz of the huge weight gain..
my concern is that I also have Hep-C...my doc told me I would be unable to deal w/ the sight effects..until I gt some kind of antidepressants..I'm in no condition to have the treatment...I also have HPlori..they gave me Pristiq 50 mg...I can't take them cause my stomach is always hurting me..I get much more help from this site..really nice ppl..then my Doc & shrink put 2gether..

..remebering the days of snorting coke..when the high was coming down I was very sucidial....that's how I feel when the Manic comes down..Back then I would ask my friends if they felt the same..I would be in a fetal position..crying..they all said No.
.I would have to take a downer...so I would'nt gt suicidal...that's when I realized I had to stop doing cocaine...
everything makes sense to me now..I've been clean for 21 years..my concern is that I also have Hep-C...is there any suggestions what other kind of meds could possibly help me? the clinic doctors..here.. don't say much..write a script & out the door...
I'm so confused...sorry for the long Noval....Missing Manic...

by LeftCoastChick, Dec 01, 2008 01:03PM
" have periods of my life where I create constantly, sometimes I feel like a God!! I don't need that much sleep..."

Thinking of yourself as *God or a God* is a manic phase, and you can in the long run do self harm -sure being manic is more fun the depression, but you honestly aren't yourself.
I was hypomanic through most of my 20's, I could take on several task, be a social butterfly, yet I had behaviours until now I thought were "normal", I wondered why people thought I was a bit weird. .  I was afraid that meds would take away my creative side, and they haven't in the least.I spoke about that at length with my pdoc.  I'm more focused, able to finish tasks, am more socially aware and I feel freer then I ever did in a hypomanic phase. I never thought of myself as a God, that's classic Mania and thoughts of grandiosity. Hun, you need to get some help. It not healthy, and there are studies showing brain deteriorating in BP's in their later years who don't get adequate help, almost mimicing Alzheimer's. Please get help!

by cowgirlnerd, Dec 01, 2008 02:39PM
To: Penny78